ABOVE ALL LOVE: FINDING ROMANCE WHEN THE KIDS ARE HOME (Prt. 2)
Written By: Aaron Paxton Arnold
1. Is it possible for couples to have strong romance and still balance the grind of parenting?
T: Yes it is possible with intentionality, compassion, and selflessness. It takes a lot of work from both parties.
K: It is possible, but this is something that I find takes a lot of development. I have to search internally and externally to fine-tune this aspect of our relationship.
2. What are some of the challenges, as parents, you two have faced re: parenting and staying romantic? What solutions did or are you putting in place to solve those challenges?
T: Time and energy are two of the biggest challenges to keeping romance alive while parenting, in my opinion. One solution I can offer new parents is to capitalize on the small pockets of connection you and your partner can find throughout the day. Pillow talk before bed, a lunch call during the weekday, naptime on a Saturday afternoon, etc. Make the small moments feel big.
K: The challenges are giving the same amount of attention to things that needed it prior to our newest addition. Including ourselves. When I leave 0% for myself, I have 0% to give to my partner which stalls most romantic moments. Healthy habits both mentally and physically are important to resolve this challenge.
3. What does romance entail with or without the kids?
K: Romance with the kids entail those wink-and-nod moments where you have that inappropriate inside joke that only your partner catches. Without the kids, it entails playing catch up on all the things that we may have started but didn’t finish.
T: Physical touch does it for me. With the kids, it’s a reach across the table for a hand, or a hug and kiss before dinner. Without the kids, it’s cuddling on the couch, a glass of wine together, and a conversation about our day.
4. Some studies have romance depleting after becoming a parent and some studies have the romance increasing. Do you believe both kinds of studies have some level of accuracy? If so, why?
T: Yes I think the key is intentionality. Romance isn’t just automatic once you’re in a relationship. It’s a daily choice, action, text, call, touch, date, etc. It takes work to increase and maintain romance.
K: I think there’s a natural depletion when you bring home your newborn. There’s a new human that literally needs you more than ever. This was short-lived in our relationship as we have a beautiful understanding of what those first few weeks will look like.
5. On a scale of 1-10, how integral is it to have some kind of support system? For example, do parents need family, friends that can watch the kids while Mom and Dad go out etc.?
T: 25. Weekends or overnights with Grandparents are essential. Even if it’s not Grandparents, it’s extremely helpful to have a support system around your family to help nurture and love your children.
K: It’s very important for parents to have a quality support system. I’d say 10. It’s important to connect with people that you trust during your parenting journey to allow you moments for concerts, cigar bars, or anything else that fills you up from time to time.
6. As parents…what are some fun, corky, silly things you and your partner implement to keep the romance going?
T: We both love to laugh! Sharing funny videos or enjoying a comedy together is definitely something that keeps the romance going for us.
K: Finding games online to play together. Making playful competition out of ordinary tasks around the house. Seeing who’s the favorite for the week between the kids.